Mysteries of the Night

Mysteries of the Night

…Night life in LA – people getting drunk – by writing about avocados – avocados and nightlife all joined together by my head – is this a connection worth exploring? What do I want to know beyond the free-associations that come out of my stream of consciousness…the reporter in me says, go to the source, ask questions, let the people in the nightlife industry speak – listen to them, hang out with them…can’t synthesize and write fast enough to keep up with the thoughts…but it feels like the story is coming to life, even though I don’t know what the story is, whether it exists, but I embrace the maddening uncertainty, trusting the form will come from much gathering of facts, information, and from reading, thinking, writing, revising, rewriting, even at this early stage before working on an actual draft, but writing to know what I’m thinking. This process is thrilling, which is not to say I don’t wake up in the middle of the night wondering, What will this be? For all of the struggle, the process is freeing, an acceptance, falling and getting up again many times before I come to it, or it comes to me…“The mysteries of the night” – Michael mentioned this – I’m not sure why, but it sounds like something I’m trying to decode. And then, on the next page of my notebook, “…as revealed through stuff from the day, happening in the day.” Night life mysteries revealed through daytime events and rituals…an interplay of landscape, profession, events, time…trying to work out what happened there, and why the memories of bartending brings out a person I thought I could smother, a side of myself I thought time could silence. I was wrong…Cissi mentioned Madame Bovary…escaping the banalities of everyday life…trapped…acting out in hedonistic, reckless, destructive, self-destructive ways to escape the emptiness of a routine…Mike mentioned Joseph Heller’s Something Happened…stream of consciousness narrative…account of what you saw, did, heard, lived, all known thought. How could I report this out, now…the dark side of avocados…rotted flesh…avocados give richness…carry other flavors, but they also enrich and enhance the flavor of a story…sense of creative abandon – something percolating, driving me forward – again, sense of abandon – takes me to the mind frame of working behind a bar – throwing myself into it, full-fledged commitment…olives in the Mediterranean, Cissi said – they’re everywhere, you can eat them in abundance…avocados – life-sustaining food – giving you life on a difficult journey…the only one screaming in a constant sunbaked nightmare” – and the avocado is a fruit of the sun…I started writing in this new notebook backwards and upside down…