Caught

NettedI think it’s fascinating that this fruit has existed since ancient times, played such a crucial role in the lives, health, culture, lore of civilizations, that it’s use and significance has been recorded, preserved and passed on in literature. I drown myself in this literature seeking an epiphany. It doesn’t come. Yet the avocado’s rich history grips me. The avocado itself may not be immortal but its image and use transcends time and geographical boundaries. The earliest evidence of avocado existence dates back over 10,000 years. Avocados form an integral part of cultural identities, of traditions. Like other foods, avocados bring people together. But they also lie at the center of a life-or-death struggle between growers and violent extortionists…The amount of available information on avocados overwhelms me…Ultimately, we seek simple, satisfying nourishment, and avocados provide just that, for so many people, past and present, all over the globe…Avocados captivate me while memories of working as a bartender in Los Angeles haunt me, staring up at the sky, a sliver of blue between two buildings as Miike Snow sings, “We’ll all be staring at the wave…” Trapped in this struggle wrestling with two opposing ideas, states of consciousness, one soaked in depravity, the other bathed in light and good and nourishment. Wrestling with it every day, grappling with the opposition, the contrast, the push and the pull, conflict, struggle. This uncertainty is maddening. Doggedly imbibing avocados facts helps me stave off the incessant question, What am I doing? Michael’s words about the discovery of “a repository for many dreams,” about LA as a particular dream, a “dreamer’s magnet…built on sun, and fame and endless youth…the end of the country, the destination,” strike a chord in me. There is no order in this, as Michael said. I’m waiting for this story to come to life, to take on a life of its own. I’ve come to accept flailing in the dark as the journey I must go on and I’m willing to fall as many times as it takes until I see an end point.